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Southampton, Junk club. It was sweaty, full of mega's and had amazing music.




Went to London yesterday with Alex to the Tate and around Westminster; Although did not get to go see Rothko, did not have enough time.
But what i did see was amazing....
Pictures from an old skool upoaded soon.


One day you will understand,
when your smiles turn into a faded echo of pitty.
My eyes will light up with happiness, showered with glee,
And you, a mortal with no soul, lonely.

If only those voices in your head had told you,
Before it was too late to care,
How the other's feel when they have nothing left, clinging onto what was.
Love, a darker side to evil,
Which hurts more than dying in hell.

Could i do anything more for you, on those nights you kept so quiet,
letting me fade into the petal sheets i lay.
And still you speak, talking about your world,
with no aspiration to hear about mine.
Haunted by the fears that came 4 years ago when once before,
I was not alowed to grow.


I dont know what to do with my hair. Its that time of year when i get bored, its winter and i want to work on the blonde before spring. It takes about 3 months to do it. what do you thinks?



What better way to spend my saturday evening than ice skating. I swear our uni crowd were the only ones above 14 years old. It was a little getto - and because i took my car and could not psrk it outside my house, i got a parking fine of £35!!!!! PAIN AND ANGER.




I really dont know what my problem is at the moment. I have been a complete depressed beast and i dont know why! Last night all of us went out for Armens birthday where we partied till 3am at Drift bar to some breaks. Everyone was wasted and being the anxious beaver i was decided to go on a bike ride on ym own on the sea front. Why did i do it? i was absolutely wasted and before i knew it i had texted the ex in a dramatic episode and asked him to come find me. It is all cool now, but when you look like shit, have been crying and have ripped tights it doesnt make him want you even more. It all got a bit weird and i started freaking out and crying again but i dont know why. He suggests i need some councelling, which could help the situation, but he is the reason i feel the way i do anyway. All i want is to not feel like shit everytime he is around. I want him to be my friend, and i want him to be be my boyfriend at the same time but i can not have both. I want to just feel normal and good about myself again. I used to be so much more confident, but now i hate most things.



alexa chung annoys the shit out of me.
I have only just noticed, i dont know what it is. Maybe her annoying voice, hair or massive ears but i dont know.

Friday night at FILTH and i dont know what to wear!!!


I feel like Hollyoaks is taking over my life. I AM getting angered at the idea of warren leaving louise for mandy the generic.

who is best?




My Flatmate Hardip is a fan of postsecret.blogspot.com. I have heard of this idea where people post there most hidden secrets on a postcard and it gets put on this blog. Its updated every sunday! I think its amazing and i thank her for reminding me how powerful some of them are. There is also a book out on flatmates notes which is a little more light hearted.

I really cant wait for the Rothko exhibition at The Tate Modern in the coming weeks.

I also realised i never finished reading Tracy Emin's biography. It is such an interesting read, i was reading it over summer and lefrt it at home. Her attitude is because of many things that have affected her. The stroy of her life is amazing, i really recomend.


What is your favourite item of clothing? - My leggins and mickey mouse jumper ATM.
What IS your fav highstreet store? - Primark, Topshop and DP's
How much did you last spend on shoes?- Primark boots for £15

Who is your style icon? - Too many. Anything goes
Does music influence your style? - Sometimes, i could not wear heels to a drum and bass rave could i?
Fave designer? - Vivienne WestWoods Autumn 2008 collection of gowns.

and now i am bored....


Ok so today i had a massive clearout, not only did i find the pair of shoes i have not seen for 2 months behind my desk, but i also found my tweezers! Being a girl and not having tweezers is stressful. I am one of these people that pluck and pluck and still look like a monobrow georgraphy teacher.
My boots from ebay came today and so did this beauty...

I have a lot fo work to do. I need to remove the shoulder pads, and sort out a few sequins but its a find! It cost me £12 but i dont mind, as christmas time makes sequin outfits increase by 75%, so it would of been £30 if i got it in Topshop.

I am still in my woe. I need to take my mind of being a depressed beaver and sort out somethings i have not been able to do. I am looking forward to going out tomorrow for Armen's brithday, we are hopefully going to get pissed and fucked up so i can forget about other stuff.
And in Todays news...(The Guardian.co.uk is my life saver...) Prince, aka PURPLE RAIN, has admitted saying that he thinks gay marriage is wrong. I think he is WRONG. what is that?

I have also been sent one of those annoying long email things where there are like 50 questions about you. I find ti intriguing to answer, but do readers really want to know the ins and outs of everything, down to the ast piss i took? I would anyway, i mean i stalk so many blogs and finding out about what people ate in the day excites me. Call me a depressed loner in my room, but small things excite me. Just like FEAST icecreams.I know its November, but i have been craving Dairy Queen. Not only is it 50,000 miles away but look at these delights - this makes me smile on the dakr winter nights.


Mag Culture

I never realised how much i actually spend on magazines in a month. I already have Cosmo, Vogue, Marie Claire and Company which are the obvious trash. But i have only just realised i get so much more satisfaction out of online blogs, specially magculture.com. Its just full of so much information and links.

The Guardian website is also one of my faves at the moment. I have to search the education section for my work so i am up to date, but i love the fashion and beauty section. Its also fun reading the jobs vacancies and seeing how much it would be if i was a teacher in london...
I have no pennies so its hard to ghet excited about the weekend as i know i wont be able to buy any clothes!

I have been eyeing up these beauties:



Dont you wish you could go back to days like these?

htt://www.flickr.com/bethmayhall or muppetleg

Pitty on me. A Blue DAY

I want one. I am gutted my fur coat on ebay went for £12. Not mine, but one i was going to make my property. It was lush, and from Ryde so i could of picked it up. Sat in my room listening to Lykke Li while moaning and being a depressed beast about Alex Bear. Even though were are not together, it hurts to know he wanted to get with some other people. When you feel insecure and inadequate already its hard to believe you can ever be more than that. So when he gets with these girls, and he doesnt want another go with me its hard. Especially when is words are completely diffrent from his actions. I am the most important in his life, and someone he can talk too but he never wants to know How i am or what i am feeling.... See what i mean about condradiction? He thought i tricked him into telling me he was with someone else, but i didnt intend too. I just didnt explain myself, too worked up and upset.
I never did anything wrong, and now i am feeling like i am paying the price. I need to think and see if his friendship and company is worth my tears and anxiousness about myself...

Does it always have to be black and white? Friends or Lovers - no inbetween.


All night, and now my face is all puffy. I cant help feeling shit today. I always try and make situations better but i always end up the one walking away defeated.


Punch some Funk


And its started....

Yoga tonight will maybe help this situation.


And its started....

Yoga tonight will maybe help this situation.


So placement is going ok, i am facilitating teaching sessions and learning more about adobe programmes every day. I find it hard coming from an A Level backround in Media to BTEC, which is very different. Its more hands on and productive than the theoratical stuff i am used too.

Everyone seems to be doing 9-5 these days. 3 of my mates are social workers, and the rest are at uni or doing dissertations. Being the only 9-5 in the house is hard as i have to be in bed by 11 as i awake at 6.30! so no more Tiger Tiger or Wedesnday fun, i live for the weekends.

I have been looking at the work here on my placement and realised i wish i took more hands on course. There is a degree in Norwich for Publishing. That would be amazing, as placements vary from The Guardian, Penguin Books and Blackwells pUBLISHING. But at the end of the day, i Have a Media Degree with Creative Writing, i will have completed a PGCE in FE education and i have lots of experience so who knows where it may lead.

I have been thinkin about what i want to do this time next year. Hopefully i will be doiing my QTTS quallifying year, either in Surrey or London. If so, i would want to move to Surrey or London, hopefully somewhwere cool.

My friend NIOR is working on placement at a magazine at the moment. She is dating someone from the SoHo Dolls and interviewed Mitch Hewer the olther day and JLC.

It just makes me think, i could have done that. But things happen for a reason so...

Who knows. My star signs keep syaing i will either get pregnant or marry someone with babies this month HAHAHA imagine that? then my life WOULD be in termoil.


Ebay Life

I am having an Ebay frenzy. I realised you can pay by your card which made me angry, as i wrecked my direct debit and this is why i have been in Ebay rehab. Today i have bought a bag, (£2.99) and i am watching two fur coats. I also won some boots for £8.50 from Italy which are amazing...a bargain!

Boots, £8.50


Lex Jones

Here is one of the promo pics of my ex Alex, for his Music promotion.


This past week has been a bit hectic. I have been working 9-4 at college but its npot just the working that is tiring me out. I wake at 6.30am and by time i have ridden to the Hover and made my way to the Ise Of Wight its 8.30, and i dont get to college till 9! Its long but its what i need to do. I am meant to be teaching 3 hours a week next week but it seems bTEC media doesnt have much of a syllabus.

We had a major party on friday. It went on till 7am untill the police decided to ruin our fun. Caz's attic room looked amazing all kitted out. I dont think anyonme has seen the house. Here are some pictures from when we first moved in.

This is caz's room in the photo. It is an amazing loft coversion.

Good news! Hardip is getting a new camera so i can have hers, meaning more pictures!


Fish Eye

Fun times with the fish eye.