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I really dont know what my problem is at the moment. I have been a complete depressed beast and i dont know why! Last night all of us went out for Armens birthday where we partied till 3am at Drift bar to some breaks. Everyone was wasted and being the anxious beaver i was decided to go on a bike ride on ym own on the sea front. Why did i do it? i was absolutely wasted and before i knew it i had texted the ex in a dramatic episode and asked him to come find me. It is all cool now, but when you look like shit, have been crying and have ripped tights it doesnt make him want you even more. It all got a bit weird and i started freaking out and crying again but i dont know why. He suggests i need some councelling, which could help the situation, but he is the reason i feel the way i do anyway. All i want is to not feel like shit everytime he is around. I want him to be my friend, and i want him to be be my boyfriend at the same time but i can not have both. I want to just feel normal and good about myself again. I used to be so much more confident, but now i hate most things.

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