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Today in a lesson i was meant to be observing i wrote a poem. I have not done any writing for over 7 months, which is terrible considering i am a writer. I was in a day dream and i came out with this manic episode. Its a first draft so it needs a lot of improvement.

ps. the layout wont let me have it how i want. The layoput effects how it sounds. DAMN.

" I find myself drowning.
I breath, trapped in my soul.
I cant push it out. Lungs explode,
when i cry, it supresses.
Sliding down my throat like medicine,
I cant escape My own guitar strings.
That play my solumn song.
Im drowning in your deciet.
A pool of lies whyich cover me in white.
The fences that once laid silently are against,
the world. Stood high.
A great barrier reef.
I imagine you everyday.
I cant swim any further into the blue,
for somewhere under that bed we lay,
Nothing matters anymore.



Have a sim card.


currently sweating it in the lib with a lesson plan. I am now on ym way home in the dark on my bike, its a good time though. I am able to reflect on my day and think about what i am going to write tonight.
I need a new poetry book - a nice one that is not 3 years old and has stupid crush's from 2 years ago;

" omg i really fancy him, he is amazing. If i dont get with him i am goin to kill myself"

you know how it is.




Full of little lanes, trinkets and gorgeous student boys. I found myself capturing every nook and cranny on my Diana to pass the time through idle shoppers, and my digital was used to the max for lookbook.

I love Brighton! Everyone is laid back, cafe's are open till late with the smell of coffee filling the streets. Hardip and i found a community centre in on the of the lanes which had a Ugandan day, with music and cakes. Tea was a £1 for a cup which was a bit expensive but it went to a good cause. I found a MAC shop down a little alleyway where i purchased some goodies. I also found an amazing broach in a huge shop down the North Lane which was £3. it is lush, i will upload a pic soon.
We went with our housemate Frenchy, who let weed occur so we managed to boblle around the streets in a frenzy for food, eating in a small fish and chip shop.

I love brighton, i wouldnt want to live their though because it takes the fun out of it when you visit.



Tomorrow i am off to Brighton for the day and night with Hardip.

It will be spent shopping in the lanes, 'doing coffee' in starbucks and partying at Legends, the 24 hour gay bar.
Tonight i will be attending a girlie sleepover with dreamphone and everything. Who said 21 was too old for that?

So thats why i am spending my afternoon baking cup cakes!



Hail Barak Obama
This is me on a random friday night, (AKA Bush smoking a J.)


So here i sit in the Bibilotech trying to kick out evidence of 30 teaching hours - which is easy enough seeings as i have taught and facilitated a lot more than that, but i didnt know i had to type everything up and record all my hours with lesson plans. It is teedious and furtsrating.
I have just come back from town where i have invested in soem Bach Remedy. It is a marvel, i have chosen Willow which is meant to help with axiety, which i am egtting a lot lately. So with my Bach and my new found love for Slumdog Millionaire i am quite content.
"The film was amazing. i am a bit of a snob when it comes to big blockbusters. I hate the whole American dream when it comes to creating an interesting narrative. Film producers dont seem to take into account the grittier it is the more i am inclined to watch it. Seeing 6 year old boys running through the slums of Mumbai, running away from Muslim attackers is something a lot more interesting than the flaming Chiwawa of paris hilton. I recomend the film to anyone, its direction beauitfully and you really see the 'real' india, not just the Taj Mahal and the beauty which is made for tourism. Jamal's charecter is also a dream."

Tomorrow is a girl's sleepover at bec's house so think i may take my DIANA+. Hardip my flatmates Holga came today and its amazing! In built coloured flash with orange and blue cosmetics. Its a dream.
Still no phone and i have not heard back aout work experience at: Blag, Illusrated Ape, Exit magazine or Glamour! ( Its so long.....)




i am now a member. yes invite!


My friend, Nikki has been designing jewelery since she graduated last year. The company Spark! is a small business which is looking for models to model their amazing pieces. All designed by art students with the theme of the sea world, all pieces are delicate and beautiful.

If you would like to be a model -(be on billboards all over the country) then join the
Facebook Group


Life of hell today.

Saturday was fun. It went pretty quick, although the coach ride took up most of the time. I did have fun dont get me wrong, but these days i seem to be socialising with cups of tea and cakes more than extra curricular and raves. I am maybe getting too old, but i am only 21. Maybe its because i did all this when i was 18 so its getting old now. All i know is work is piling up at uni and college and i seem to spend most of my days drifting in and out of daydreams about random shit that wont even happen. I am a bit of a dreamer and i expect it all to come true which sometimes it never does.
I seem to be javing such bad luck at the moment. my GHD's broke (which is painfull now considering i have a block fringe which needs to be tamned) my laptop has also decided to stop working, and my phone is still in MIA.
I dont know whats up with me and technology. I taught for 4 hours straight today and it was manic. I just feel like i dont know as much as i should and i get anxiety badly before i go to bed and its really affecting my moods which my housemates blatently can tell. Today if i could have cried and smashed something i wiould have. I think i crried 3 times in under 20 minutes because i was so frustrated.

I hope they dont mind and they understand i am shit.
Also, weight watchers started today and once again tears got the better of me and i ate 3 chocolate freddo bars and 2 pic n mix.




Here is the fringe.



A fringe?

Tough, i have done it anyway myself. I kept seeing everyone today with long hair and fringes so i went ahead and did it.

fuck. its goin to take ages to grow out!

3 pairs of shoes later and i now have a fringe and some luellas. xx




I want.



I have sat on the computer at my placement for the past 2 hours. I have done no work, except scanning the internet for work experience on magazines; So far i have emailed:

Glamour ( I have a connection!)
Exit Magazine
Illustrated Ape
Plastique Magazine
Look Magazine
Dirt Mag

Blag magazine is the one i would love to work on most! It has poetry, culture, fiction, photography and interviews with the 'cool' celebrities like Jamie Winstone and Tracy Emin. It was derived from 2 twin sisters who were art students at Goldsmiths Uni in London, but its one of those annoying mags that is independent so you cant find it in WHSmith or down your local Tesco, you have to subscribe or get it from Borders in Southampton or Online.

London magazine stalls have all the interesting illustration magazines. 'ted' (the guy who stands outsite liberty's in Londons Carnaby Street) has such a range of magazines, i would love to sit and just read them all day.
Another is Illustrated aPE - WHICH IS AVAILABLE NEAR ME. Thank god for that, its another urban magazine which focuses on grafphiti from around underground area's and uses imagery with urban poetry and fiction as well as interviews with interesting London and Birmingham tramps and artists who work to live and keep their head above water.

Its similar to vice but Vice these days is hard to get hold of.

So fingers crossed i get a response.



I am feeling too angered today to even bother with fashion and neauty life.

Lex is still stressing me out. I painted hime a picture and wrote him a card when we broke up - and he has them in his roombut i can imagine he will take them down when Wagwan Gagan (his gf name) comes round. I sound bitter but i am just upset he values her (who cheats) more than me (who didnt. didnt pone, didnt cheat, did fuck him up)

why do the good ones always get shat on?



I lost my Blackberry :(



I am in love with this song. Its not usually my cup of yea but her voice is lush! I can imagine it playing in a London bar or something i feel quite womanly when i listen to it.

Also, want another tatooo. A big one on my back or another on my wrist.


Other blog.

Ok so this blog is for general crap. life. shit. love.fashion.food...

But this is where my creative side counts. I have made a wordpress blog which will have y Poetry, Novela's and articles which i have written but have not yet been made published or suitable for certain pages because i am opinionated. Also its like a P0oliticsinthecity.com style of blog.

Just have a look.

Beth May Media

A million different Looks.

May 2006
June 2006

December 2005

June 2004

Summer 2003

May 2005

August 2006

Febuary 2004

January 2008

December 2007

I have noticed i seem to go blonde in the summer and majorly dark in the Winter. I seem to looks a lot like Wednesday Adams with my long dak hair and red lips. Yet i am quite happy looking dead then burnt with tan and blonde like i used too.

Eyes AND Brows.

So its Mid Jan now and i have not kept to any of my Resoulutions. I have been eating like a pig, sleeping and laying in bed like a dead animal and molesting further men to fill a sour hole in my soul...a void? nah i doubt it, i have just been taking my responsabilities as a professional educator ..as well not much at all. I have been clapping my Diana out at every opportinity and to develop its going to cost a million pound so lets leave that for a while. But Rubber Dub is this Saturday and i am looking forward to the coach journey! I always manage to get somehow, completely smashed on the coach ride and forget everything else tht happens after. I know its going to be a good one, Mel is coming down to party like its 1999 with us!

I am hoping to somehow look mega - i got my eyebrows tinted at the weekend which makes me feel a HELL of a lot better. I went crazy a few years ago by shaving and plucking my eyebrows into a baldness, but now they have grown back and are darker thanks to dye!

My eyelashes are darker too, a Blue/Black so that i dont always have to wear eyeliner or mascara!

I have also still been follwing exfoliation on my face and body and i can see the difference already. I need to keep it up to feel completely satisfied but its a hell of a lot better. I have been spending again this month like crazy, 2 camera's and lots of photos. I went to ASDA to get some Onions and came back with £60 of bed stuff and throws, including £20 of photo's done instantly. I now have a few walls dedicated to new years and 2009 already.


Diana and Cupcakes

The diana+ has so many extras i want. I originally paid £40 for my camera, but i should have got it offline as the whole camera pack which includes a flash and fish eye is only £100! The flash alone is £49 which is a lot. It looks amazing though, i will have to buy it all in stages so it doesnt look like i have spent loads.
I broke my GHD's last night in a frenzy. The dark casued me to jump on them snapping them in half, but even now when its not as cool to have them for your hair they \are still £120!
so it looks like i am a spendaholic.
I am going to ALFORNO tonight for dinner with the girls for becky's birthday and tomorrow to rthe Ethiopian Rest in Southsea for Sadies birthday.

Went to the beach today with hardip. He had a little date, ate chips and took photo's. It was lush, the sun sets here about 4pm so we stayed for a little while, even though it was cold.

I also went to style in the City today, a local vintage store. I found a lush fur coat, which was £70! Why do i have such expensive taste?
I need to get on Ebay and find some cheap items. I have also decided Haridp and I are going to open our own Cupcake shop. I make enough and we eat enough for us to have one, plus it will be cute. We asked Iris Hair Salon which just opended if its expensive to run a shop on AlbertRoad the heart of Southsealife, (its like a camden but without the greebos...) and she said its £670 a month which between us is £335 each, plus we could charge £1 for a cupcake as they will be huge and i can make a batch of 24 for £3!

So watch this space.



I Bought a Diana Lomography camera the other day. loan went in so i thought...why not? It set me back £35 and as we speak i have ebay.co.uk up, looking at fish eyes, flashes and stands for it.
It has no batteries, just pure wind round camera which can also be used as a pin hole. My flatmate caz got me interested in Lomo cameras when she bought a 4 slide one. It was cheap, and looked wicked so she got Fish Eye. Envious i got the diana. Hardip ♥ is now part of the LOmo fmaily and has just purchased a Holga.
I love photography - thats why in a frenzy i spent £20 on prints instantly from Asda because i could not be bothered to wait. My wall is now plastered with peoples faces while i drift off to sleep.
This week is busy. Tonight i went to slug and lettuce and had dinner with Ashley, lamb shank was amazing! Then i went to visit the Block and seee how after saturdays party, there how was. It was ok, not bad but i found myself drifting off to sleep, so i rode back home to sit and eat more leftover chocolate and cakes.
My resolutions dont seem to be going down very well. I have not been to the gym this year yet, and i have not curved my spending.
But its just 2009 and VW is bringing in some banging materials!



Omg seriously, when do people not know when the fuck to FUCK OFF. OR SHUT UP?Sometimes when you go somewhere and you see them, or smell them it winds me up. Just leave me alone and let me have MY times.
Anyway lots of E numbers occured and Hardip and I are in bed checking out homes in fort Laurderdale and Los Angeles!

We are going to be like Staci Cole and Elle...or Jeffree Starr. In a condo.

Hopefully we will have some neighbors from Niger,af.

ps. for those who do not know who Staci Cole is....

Internt superstar/whore/fiend/mother/girlfriend/stalker/wannabe.

I ♥ her.

Jeffree Star:


oh life.

I am currently laying in bed freezing watching T4, I plan not to move untill i have at least done 3 lesson plans and organised my life online.

The block had another party last night it was good, turnbed messy and i left. I swear i am getting too old. I also had a few comments thrown at me about sexual encounters which does my bloody head in. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

coming from me i suppose....
I am looking at CBB in the background and idont want to get attached. It has coolio though...he is a bit of a legend.


New Year 08

The 3 Muskerteers

Mr Bargery

♥ boys pout/gurn


New Year

New years was immense.

Havana- 10pm till 1am.
Home -1.30 to 2.30am where i rested for a bit.
Block Party - 3.am till 9am.
Sleep - 3hours.
Block Party - Midday.
Home - 4pm.
SexyTime - 7 hours.

I am spanked.
Pictures soon.